Don't "Pluto" one another

'Plutoed' chosen as '06 Word of the Year - Sun Jan 7, 8:38 PM ET - ANAHEIM, Calif. - Pluto is finally getting some respect — not from astronomers, but from wordsmiths. "Plutoed" was chosen 2006's Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society at its annual meeting Friday.To "pluto" is "to demote or devalue someone or something," much like what happened to the former planet last year when the General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union decided Pluto didn't meet its definition of a planet.

 

"May we all speak the truth in love with sensitivity and respect for the perspectives of each other, and may we all speak the truth in love with incredible strength and perseverance regardless of the perspectives of each other. Speaking the truth carelessly, spitefully, sarcastically or in "self-defense mode" violates the former, and withholding the truth to "keep the peace", protect the status quo, or avoid chaos violates the latter. And either one "plutos" another human being." -- Yours Truly

 

It was priceless timing. The kind of timing that guys who value "such things" live for.

 

You know the scene. I'm with a group of people in some sort of social setting. The conversation flows from idea to idea, concept to concept, person to person. I'm listening with a quite unconscious, non-malicious, but keen ear for "such things" and then the moment comes. Someone says just the right thing, and something with just the right ring of cleverness pops into my head, and then, WHAM! I interrupt the flow, regardless of the level of sincerity lingering over the group (and sometimes because of it), regardless of who has the floor at the time (and sometimes because of it), regardless of who's armor it might put a "chink" in (and sometimes because of it), regardless of pretty much anything...I lay out a brilliantly timed, masterfully phrased, "just-enough-truth" encompassing series of words that steals the show, if even for a moment, and wows the crowd with a mixture of roaring laughter, wide eyes accompanied by "oos" and "ohhhs", fingers pointing and backs slapping of the "prop" used for such things, which is usually a real live human being. Occasionally the prop isn't in the present crowd, but known my all of us, so it feels like a "harmless crime," if a crime at all.

 

I used to "pluto" people like this often. That is, speaking things without regard to other people's perspective. I excused it with phrases in my head (and out loud) like, "I'm just joking" (which I usually was), "I didn't mean it" (which I usually didn't), "you should have thicker skin" (which they usually should've), and "that's just my nature...the way I am" (which I later found to be true only in a superficial way). I still relapse occasionally, but for the most part I don't indulge in this for fear of the mindless and unintentional plutoing of people in my wake.

 

More often these days, I pluto people in much more invisible way.

 

Rather than doing it by "saying" things that reflect "some truth" without love, I pluto people by by "not saying" things that "are truth" and call it love.

 

I excuse it with phrases in my head (and out loud) like, "I'm not sure how they would react to that," or "I AM sure how they would react to that," or "I may not be right about that," or "that's none of my business," or "that's not my responsibility."

 

I couldn't be clearer on this for my life, but I could be more faithful. For me to do such a thing completely "demotes and devalues" that person in my life. I have ceased treating them with dignity in my heart. Especially when my thoughts start excusing my silence with phrases like "They can't handle it," "They don't want it," or "They just don't get it."

 

I really do believe that the truth sets you free. In every way that you can think of to take that statement, I believe it is true. I've experienced it hundreds of times in a dozens of ways.

 

And anything but God's honest truth flowing from within, to one another, pluto's one another.

 

Brother Marcus, St. John of the Cross, and Jesus

This is just to remind you also that today is the memorial of St. John of the Cross in our liturgy." - Brother Marcus, my monk friend at Christ in the Desert Monastery

"Some forge connections with people arising from sensual lust and not from purity of spirit. To test this, they should consciously recall the attraction and see if it causes remembrance and love of God to grow inside them or instead trigger remorse of conscience. If the connection is pure, love for God deepens with the deepening of friendship. [If] remembrance of God arises as often as thoughts of the friend arise, the friendship is from the purity of spirit. But when this love springs from the vice of lust, it has the contrary effect. As love for the human friend intensifies, love for the divine flows away, even from the memory. The soul who loses herself in that other affection will find her love for God growing cold -- remembering one and forgetting the other." - St. John of the Cross

"Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." - Jesus

My monk friend sent me an email today that included a news flash for me...today, in the liturgical prayer schedule that he follows with his monastic community in the desert, remembers the life and contribution of St. John of the Cross.

His news flash did just that for me...I'm remembering the contribution John has had on my life through his incredible work entitled "Dark Night of the Soul". I pulled out my well-worn copy and opened it to the thought above concerning relationships with people, which I had underlined. John uses very strong words (i.e.: "connections from sensual lust" vs.. "connections from purity of spirit") which leads the modern reader thinking that he is speaking of proper romantic relationships. Be assured that he is not. He is speaking of any kind of relationship, friendship, family, or otherwise. When I read this the first time, I wrote in the margin "good test for whether a relationship is a 'transforming friendship'."

That kicked me right to the statement of my Master about who he considered "family". Jesus says that anyone who does the will of God was his family.

I feel like that.

And I also feel freedom from judging what another persons "doing" of the will of God looks like externally. I have met many, many people who do not "do the will of God" the way I do, but I can tell we are of one mind and heart and soul and spirit (i.e.: Jesus). Brother Marcus is an incredible example of that, who is finding God primarily through contemplation. And so is my new friend Garrett who works at a Real Estate place down the road from my house, who is sharing his life and story with me. And so is my friend Paula who stopped by my office this morning on her way to her "office" where she teaches countless people in Africa about Christ through the mail. And so is my co-worker Edie who was on the floor with a hurting woman praying for her and sharing in her suffering by touching on her own. And so is my friend Russ who at lunch yesterday tapped into the calling he has received on his life and let me wade around in it with him. And so is my buddy Larry, who at lunch today spoke of an incredible "fathering" lesson for his son just by going on a hunting trip with him and an older, grandfatherly type man who trusted his son with his binoculars.

They are my mother and my brother and my sister. Nothing like me at all, and yet the family resemblance is uncanny.

Remembrances of God arise in me when I think of these friends.

Do you have these people? Seriously. If not, I consider you to be in poverty. The poorest of the poor on the planet. Destitute. Broke and pitiable.

I am absolutely sure that God is trying to provide for you in this, and that your blame on others for not giving it to you is merely that...your blame. All you have to be is willing.

Thanks, Marcus, for being a friend who reminds me of God. Thanks, St. John of the Cross, for being open to whatever you had to be open to be able to chart the inner spiritual journey like you did in your book. Thanks, Jesus, for being the perfect model and source of everything good and worthwhile, and making it so available to everyone.

And thank you, God, for so many mothers, brothers, and sisters.