"I was sick to my stomach concerning the 'spiritual abuse' that was being exalted as 'defending the dignity of Christ' at my church last Sunday." - A very mature elder brother of mine
"I'm so sorry. I know you felt you found a church that was 'different'. I'm so sorry." - the understanding wife of that man I quoted above
"I've walked around the block concerning this issue, knowing that it happened 'for' me to continue in my own healing and growth, and have come to the place where I don't need renouncement, apology, or agreement from anyone in my church to be okay with what happened." - That man again, after a few days of honest feeling, prayer, and introspection
"I am horrified to realize how much unforgiveness I still have about "the church" So I am back in a digging up and doing away with resentment." - Another very mature elder brother of mine, in an email he sent me today
I've been led to this theme again. I wrote another piece on this a few months back, but just like when I work out my body with weights, repetitions are necessary for my body to get maximum effect, I need repitition on all the great spiritual lessons for me to even enjoy any effect at all.
When my first brother above told me of the story behind his quotes above, I was horrified. Seriously. I listened on the phone in absolute awe. I thought it would be a very "subtle crime" that had hurt him, something that could be seen a multitude of ways, and therefore I could easily have compassion on the individuals involved, but dog-gone it, it was in my estimation a blatant, self-evident, heinous unChristlike crime being done in the name of Christ...again.
While I sat spellbound at the story...I was simultaneously spellbound by my buddy's "processing" of his experience, and how he landed in a place of needing nothing from those who committed the crime in order to forgive and let it go. I said earlier that I would've liked to have easily had compassion, which ended up impossible, but compassion is still (and always is) possible...easy or not.
I have some deep, deep convictions. I would go as far as to say I have some serious non-negotiable that I demand to be present in my life. But I am learning that every single one of them MUST NOT demand anything from anyone else...else I'm in trouble.
Personally, I call it my own immaturity every single time that I find myself needing anything from anyone. My job is not, and can never be, to get anything out of anyone. My joy is not, and can never be, associated with getting agreement, apology, or renouncement from those who I feel offended by. I would rarely feel joy at all.
Life is hard enough NOT needing anything from anyone...why would I attach my joy to other's "getting it right"?
I'm not saying I am immune to the effects of what other people say or do or think...far from it. But I am saying that I no longer need them to stop (or start) saying or doing or thinking in any certain way for me to find the best possible life.
My friend exercised the "spiritual practice" that enables those of us who attempt such unconditional compassion...
1. He felt it deeply and honestly in all it's rawness.
2. He shared himself with God and his intimate community as he went (thumbing his nose at the idea that he has to always 'have it together' in front of other people).
3. He assumed there was good for his heart in the circumstances he was in...and resolved within himself to find it.
This all led to 4) he transformed a little bit more into the image of Jesus Christ.
The prayer of Jesus on the cross always, always, always serve towards this end, if we can attain unto it...as they rejected him, shamed him, humiliated him, laughed and spit while doing it, slandered him, inflicted pain on him quite intentionally, and murdered him without cause...he prayed, "Father, forgive them. They do not know what they are doing."
Listen, my friends. This is ALWAYS, ULTIMATELY true. Hurt people, hurt people. Always.
Those who reject you, shame you, humiliate you, laugh and spit while doing so, slander you, inflict pain on you quite intentionally, and murder you (whether in flesh or spirit)...do not know what they are doing.
If you want a life of joy, maturing to the point of demanding and needing nothing (he who has ears, let him hear) is mandatory spiritual growth.
I love you.
2 comments:
Oh yes, Brian! This is deep spiritual truth!
One thing I'm not sure about:
I said earlier that I would've like
to have easily had compassion, which ended up impossible, but compassion is still (and always is) possible... easy or not.
I'm not sure genuine compassion can ever be easy, if by "easy" we mean "painless" or "quickly able to lay it aside". Forgiveness was core to Jesus' instruction on prayer, and so I'm (currently) convinced requires deep strength, which only the Spirit can provide. It's pain, which the Father trains us to bear and release. And though Christ came in part to identify with us, when I find myself humbled (often in my own sin which indeed Jesus never faced, but also in others derisiveness of me), I identify with Him. It seems that the pain is nearly the same, but he is training me to respond to it better, and see such attacks as attacks against us...together.
Well said, Craig, and so true.
However, I think offering compassion can get "easier" as we learn and experience that anything other than that is a personal prison for ourselves, not a productive change agent for the offender.
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