"Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love." -- John, talking about Jesus about to wash his follower's feet
"Unless I wash you, you have no part of me." - Jesus to Peter, who thought it inappropriate and not "God-like" for Jesus to wash his feet.
"Then, Lord, not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!" - Peter's response, reflecting his deep desire to have total part of Jesus
I am in an enviable position. I am surrounded by men and women who are moved deeply from their hearts, longing for more of Jesus, more of life. This means that I have an intimate fellowship of people who are unified around the same race in life that I am in...not the rat race...but the Marathon of Transformation. We want, like Peter, to be immersed into Jesus...whatever that means, that is what we want. I am very blessed to have such intimate community.
I went on a three-day retreat last week with 16 of these folks. The weekend was preceded by 40 days of prayer and fasting where our leadership pleaded for an hour a day with God, asking Him to bless the Southwest church, a called out group of Christ-followers that we love and serve. The weekend also marked my first year of having been sent to this place, to this group of fellow journeyers and I confess I had high expectations for the weekend and no clue how to facilitate it or what to even facilitate...even though that particular job was clearly mine.
This kind of thing brings out the best and worst in me. My insides feel like a car when someone hits both the gas and brakes as hard as they can at the same time. I'm fueled to 'go' but scared to at the same time. I'm ready for 'it', but not ready for 'it' at the same time. I have an important role to play, which I love and long for, but I'm not good or talented enough to play it at the same time. I never told my group that I considered canceling the retreat several times as it came upon us on the calendar. It didn't help that some of them would've rejoiced at the idea.
It wasn't until the week of the event that I felt like God exposed to me four objectives He wanted me have faith that He would deliver on...faith goals, if you will. They were:
1. To create, experience, and enjoy the authentic, Christ-centered community with one another that we would like to create in our church community.
2. To define what a “disciple of Jesus” is.
3. To discover and articulate the atmosphere necessary to transform into a disciple of Jesus.
4. To determine Southwest’s specific structure that we are to use to deliver that atmosphere.
I was energized by the thought that God would send these to us, that I would get to play a role in watching it unfold out of our community, but equally intimidated by their immensity. But Thursday came, everyone gathered, we loaded up...and off we went.
I shared the load with them first thing, and they received it with graciousness. Then we shared it with God by just tapping into our deepest desire by praying together..."Lord, not just my feet but my hands and my head as well." It felt so good to pray that. To shamelessly ask Jesus to completely immerse us in himself felt like it was bringing a tear to his eye. At first the prayer sounded selfish to me, but as we repeated it over and over, before long, it felt like a request that just might bring a tear to his eye.
I know how I feel when my daughter Callie asks me to look at how beautiful she is in her princess dress. I know how I feel with my son Shade asks me to play in the fort with him outside. I know how I feel when my son Jakin comes crying to me asking for my comfort through a hug. I guess from one perspective, you could say they were being selfish in those requests. But from the truer perspective you would say they were asking from me what I am dying to give to them...myself.
The stage was set, we sat as the expectant audience of God's coming onto the stage, but looking at each other. We were on our way to seeing if He would deliver on Faith Goal #1...
I'm going to attempt to Chronicle what happened next, although words and time and space won't allow for it all to be delivered. But I think I need to attempt to write it so that I will remember...how good God is, how much He loves me, how He sent Jesus for this, and how I am to live it out for the rest of my life.
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