Lament For Connor
That ugly scar of fresh turned earth
Holds tight my broken son whose worth
The world will never know. And I
Turn stricken face to steely sky
And ask a question that will start
Fresh groaning from a broken heart .
Where were you, God, on that dark road
When violence took what I adored
And crushed him? Did You see her shock,
Her wailing, kissing bloody locks?
Did You stand by with folded arm
Or with Your finger cause this harm?
What did I do to make you mad?
If this is love I’ve more than had
Enough. How can I speak of You
To foes when this is what you do
To friends? I’m worn out now and just
Begun to walk the path I must.
Yet I have nowhere left to turn
For hope or joy. I cannot learn
Another voice than first I knew
And trusted. Were they true,
The promises you made to me?
Can I full trust what I can’t see?
I know that my Redeemer lives.
I know a Sovereign takes and gives.
I am a blind and broken man,
So I will hold on while I can
For now. Is grace enough to keep?
Until we see Your face, I weep.
I'm eternally grateful to my friend Tod for sharing his suffering. For those of us who know him, we know him to have a gift of insight and truth. That he continues to apply those gifts regardless of the circumstances of his life doesn't surprise me at all. He has been chosen from among us to be an exhibit of God's glory, and I mourn with him that it is in such dramatic fashion. Blessed are the people who have been chosen for lesser shows, and count it only God's grace if you are one them, created for the lesser trials and displays. Only give yourself over to the pain of others so that you can better know God's love and consolation through them, and they through you.
Jesus said that his yoke is easy and his burden is light, and that it is for those who are weary and heavy laden. How easy it is to believe such a claim when all is light and airy around us, our outward circumstances providing us with ease. But finding his deeper meaning can only come with the shadow's descent, the dark clouds hovering, the very ground under feet pulled away.
Pray for my friend that, he find it. He will.