The Secret Spiritual Discipline

"Tearless grief bleeds inwardly and destroys." - Christian Nevell Bovee

 

"Let your tears come when they do.  Let them water your soul." - Eileen Mayhew

"Time engraves our faces with all the tears we've felt but have not shed." - Natalie Clifford Barney

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are like rain upon the blinding dust of the earth, gently soaking and softening our hardened hearts." - Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860

"I run across many people who are afraid to let themselves really cry - afraid that it might look weak and pathetic, afraid that they might never be able to stop, sick and tired of the constant feeling of wanting to, and therefore not truly "allowing" themselves to.  But we have the desire to cry for a reason.  God gave us this ability for a reason, and it is a blessing, and it has a sacred purpose, so let the tears flow whenever the urge hits.  Forget all of the invalid programming of your past, about what's allowed and what's not, what's strong and what's not.  Tears are the necessary lubricant of the heart and the place in which the deepest connection to God and each other is possible." - Jim Spivey

How long has it been since you've cried?

 

I sat with a Senior Student from Pepperdine Tuesday night who, unprompted in the midst of a worship gathering that was really touching her heart, told me, "It has probably been 2 years since I've cried."

 

Why would she say that? So what? It had nothing rational to do with the conversation we were in.

 

I knew what was going on inside of her head for the past two years. Reasonable voices suggesting to her: "Maybe you just haven't needed to cry. Maybe you just aren't one of those "criers". Maybe it's because your strong enough to find a productive outlet for what bothers you."

 

We didn't address crying directly at all, even after she said it. Her statement was in the midst of a mighty conversation about a relationship that has welled up bitterness and anger in her. But in the context of our conversation, this seemingly unrelated statement about her "cry history" made perfect sense to both of us without elaboration.

 

Why is that?

 

I was outside of a beautiful chapel overlooking the ocean, getting ready to speak Monday night to an incredible group of students about the Spirit of God, when a couple of buddies came out to pray over me. I was already convicted personally by what I was about to preach, but their presence helped me admit it to myself. And as they said, "Amen," and started to leave, I asked them to stay while I prayed. They did.

 

And then my tears came.

 

I'm getting really good at crying. It should be a spiritual discipline.

 

As I write this, and while the reasonable voice in some of your heads keep making the case that exempts you from the need or capacity or personality for tears, let me suggest that maybe there is another voice talking to. Maybe not, but maybe. 

 

Inside of my head there is a more Reasonable Voice saying to me: "Maybe you just needed to cry. Maybe you are a real, raw human being after all. Maybe it's because you are strong that you can submit to the productive work that is done through the God-given capacity for tears."

 

For the person who can't start crying and wants to, my coaching can only come in the two words, "let it go". It will be hard, spiritual, counter-cultural work for sure.

 

And for the person who can't seem to keep from crying, welling up in tears from the smallest things, and you want to stop, my coaching can only come in the two words, "let it all go".