Pause

"I spent this morning writing, and thinking, and studying, and planning for things that hundreds will read and hear. Then I spent lunch with my beautiful daughter, Callie. I love doing both, but I love the latter more." - Yours Truly

 

Tomorrow I leave for a 4 day experience, a trip to New Braunfels to the Guadalupe River with the Southwest Church of Christ youth group in order to go to Schlitterbahn Water Park and on a rafting trip down the Guadalupe River, It will combine several loves of mine on this earth.

 

Love #1 - The West Houston Church of Christ youth group. For 14 years I spent my life making disciples of those students while becoming one myself. A good chunk of my life's energy, love, and passion has already been spent...and it was on them. I'm not looking forward to the day when I return to West Houston and don't recognize any of the students there, or when I'm not recognized by them, but for now I know almost all the students who will be meeting us on the river for the trip. And I just can't wait to see them.

 

Love #2 - Turtle catching. Many years ago, we in the West Houston youth group converted the float trip from the simplicity of catching rays between rapids into an all-out hunt for turtle's with our bare hands. I'm a tad obsessive about it myself, and my new friends in Amarillo laugh at me, but I will be quite at home on that raft with a team of fellow obsessors, trying to add to the final, all-group count of turtles. Our group record is 52. Everyone tries to make it a competition between rafts, but I refuse to let go of the idealistic, teamwork-feel of the overall count. I guess I love the turtle catching because of the small element of risk involved, combined with the connection to nature, the shared sense of victory among us with each catch, and the redemption of hours of sitting into something with a purpose (shallow as it may be).

 

Love #3 - My son. I'm traveling with my 5-year-old son, Shade, on this trip. Of all the things I'm excited about, I can't stop thinking about being with Shade for 4 days. Even the long car ride gets me excited to just get out with him and eat at fast-food restaurants. I can't wait for the Southwest group to get to know him, for the West Houston group to see him, and for him to acclimate to being in a raft with a dozen 10-15 pound turtles crawling around. We'll be camping together, playing together...just being together. I hope that I have the wisdom to do this kind of thing with every one of my kids, every chance I get, without exception. I'm still somewhat vulnerable to my own expectations of myself in area's that matter only a fraction as much as they matter, and am often prone to sacrificing their spirits because of my inability to stay fully present in each moment, fully aware of God's priorities for me.

 

I am in a position to have nominal influence on hundreds of people. It's a humbling reality, and one I take very seriously, sometimes to the point of being overwhelmed with fear or anxiety. But with these kids, whom I have a major influence on, I am given the gift of pause to remember what really matters.

 

Today at lunch, when I took Callie out for a date to Rosa's (where she got to experience cheese dip for the first time), she asked me to watch her dance and jumped out of her seat and started spinning. She just wanted me to watch, and see that she is lovely, and tell her so. "Like a princess," she said. What an honor. What an honor. I can't get over it. (insert long pause here). What an honor.

 

And I told her to sit down and finish eating. God, help me pause. And thank you that Callie still asked me dance with her when we got home. And thank you for the dance. Thank You.